The really solid thing that this essay does is offer lots of sentence variety. If you remember back again to the bonus materials, there’s a sentence variety chart that I gave you that I said you could use to style of chart your sentence variety, the things I’ve done in the bonus materials with this essay is chart the sentence selection of one of the body paragraphs. And you will see by taking a look at the many types and also the different lengths of sentences that this really has a flow that is great there’s lots of variety there. Additionally this essay uses an advance vocabulary but it is not only advanced, it’s used appropriately. So here the example is, ‚Free tutoring does not aim in the middle for the problems schools that are facing a wider variety of classes does by livening desire for school up to graduation.‘ Therefore we’ve just seen an advance sentence structure and an advance utilization of vocabulary very good commendable language. These are typical the causes why this essay earned an 11 which will be in which you would you like to be, ideally scoring ten to 12 regarding the ACT writing.
Now let us take a look at sample essay number 2.
Go on and go directly to the bonus materials and print it out. Again I’m going to start with reading the first paragraph but it really would be important you to follow along for you to have a hard copy on front of. Alright, this 1 starts with ‚a problem that is major many high schools face is students neglecting to graduate, or dropping out before they usually have the possibility. High schools over the nation have attempted countless different programs and processes to attempt to combat student’s failure, some proving more successful than the others. A desire to learn and stay at school, something which not simply getting help can perform. in my experience, offering a wider number of class options would do a better job of promoting success than merely offering free tutoring because ‚interest‘ promotes‘ So this one starts out very similar to essay number 1 but if you noticed that one only scored a seven. So it’s still when you look at the half that is top a far cry from the 11 that the initial essay scored. Here we’ve got again a very position that is strong understanding of the job. This writer says ‚offering a wider number of class options would do a better job of promoting student success and merely offering free tutoring because the attention promotes the desire to learn and stay in school.‘ Therefore we’ve got a situation, we’ve got reason, in addition we have the development of a counter argument. But you can already infer even they would have scored much higher on the essay if you haven’t read the essay from this that this writer must not do a good job of incorporating and powering up on that counter argument otherwise. So solid ‚task and position‘ why don’t we see where it falls a bit that is little.
‚Complexity and development‘ alright this writer says, ‚My senior school really helps many students by providing peer tutors because learning from peers is much more appealing than being re-taught by adults. ‚tutoring helps many who might be too frustrated I notice when I read this is the wording is a little bit confusing here and I’m not really sure what this is supposing because, honestly it’s making tutoring sound like a really good thing that they cannot understand their classes and want to drop out.‘ Now the first thing. The positioning statement told me that this essay was going to be arguing for a wider number of classes. Which means this might be an attempted counter argument, but where it falls short will it be does not completely dismiss the counter claim, it leaves your reader wondering but what is this person proving. To ensure’s the place that is first falls short in complexity and development. The essay also says, ‚Offering many courses helps to ensure that students will still yet learn have a great time and become less stressed.‘ Now this is certainly into the body that is second and also this could be the first time that the writer has introduced this notion of ‚having fun and becoming less stressed‘ and it’s really really unclear where that links into the position that ‚a wider variance of classes is better for learning.‘ It focused and supportive.
Finally in organization this essay is organized simply but effectively it’s type of predictable but that’s why it scores a seven and not very up at the top of the scale that is at the 11. This essay says ‚In addition to more classes, having parents and teachers who care about students‘ success, offering extra-curricular programs to increase an connection that is active the school, having assemblies and events to market school spirit and lots of other factors are typical important in promoting success.‘ Now these are really ideas that are great definitely on topic, but one might expect to see these ideas introduced in the introduction after which followed up on within the essay. However once you know where this paragraph arises from could do my homework be the conclusion and that’s one of several big no, no’s for that organization that is basic. You don’t introduce ideas that are new the conclusion because all it will is serve to confuse the reader. They aren’t something that you have mentioned and none of your support relates to it. And this is the reason why this essay’s score is a little bit lower in organization.
‚Sentence structure and grammar.‘ Alright this essay says, ‚Something that not help that is merely getting do.‘ It is among the relative lines that really stuck off to me in fact it’s an element of the position statement which will be those types of sentences that readers are really focused in on, when you are given your thesis or your position, they desire it to be clear. And this wording is truly variety of confusing, I’m not sure what things are referring to, what the something is and it’s really just a little bit awkward. So again we’ve got sort of this awkward utilization of language which keeps this essay down in that mid range rather than shooting it up to the higher range that displays a command of the language.
Alright the number of pitfalls that this essay come across that people already have talked about and you wish to be sure you avoid. This essay makes ‚hasty generalizations‘ the line, ‚only students with a desire to enhance will benefit from such a program.‘ That’s a jump that is big. To ensure that’s saying basically if they don’t whole heartedly want to be there they’re going to flat out fail if I give tutoring to everybody. And I think that’s a leap that is really big flaw and logic. It gets a little bit wordy, ‚The most important, though, is a student’s desire to learn and to succeed;‘ it simply goes on and on about this. And lastly we talked relating to this ‚basic organization‘ not only do we have type of candid transitions like ‚in addition‘ to and ‚furthermore‘ but we talked concerning the introduction of new ideas into the conclusion which really throws your reader for a whip. So coming back to wrap it all up the seven indicators that your readers are going to be hunting for is your ‚understanding of the job,‘ the ‚position‘ you take, the ‚complexity‘ with that you talk about the presssing issue, the ‚development‘ or support you provide, how you organized your ideas after which how you deliver it along with your ’sentence and word choice‘ as well as your ‚grammar.‘
In this episode we’ve taken a review of two essays, both were solid they scored in the top half but clearly we see why essay one scored an 11 while essay two scored a seven.